These are just ten songs that I think are the best from the last decade. Well, they aren’t necessarily the best; rather, the best of the smash hits of the decade. So whilst this rules out anything by Passion Pit, it allows Linkin Park to remain in contention. Wait, that isn’t good! Oh well, I never said my methods are flawless. So here we go:
10. Can’t Get You Out of My Head- Kylie Minogue: I know that Kylie cops a lot of flak, and I know that I too will cop a lot of flak for following up an article about the gym with one about Kylie. But this song is undoubtedly her crowning achievement, a guaranteed dancefloor filler when it was released, and according to the WikiBible, reached number one in every European country except Finland. What’s up with that? Are they too busy….doing whatever it is Finnish people do?
The other reason for Kylie: I needed to convey my patriotism in some form, and since you can’t actually see my fully-sick Southern Cross tattoo, this will suffice.
(Addendum: I never said that I was going to qualify why I believe these songs are the best of the 2000’s, so music purists, STOP READING NOW! Good.)
9. Ms Jackson- OutKast: Maybe you remember this song, maybe you don’t. Either way, it was the first (and only) rap song that I knew the entirety of, word-for-word. Plus, it has piano! How classy.
This is arguably the greatest popular rap song of the decade; well, actually it would be if it weren’t for:
8. Lose Yourself- Eminem: Who can forget the intro? Eminem puts Shatner to shame as he stakes his claim for the greatest white rapper in history with this gritty song from the equally gritty movie 8 Mile. Speaking of which, here’s a Youtube video I would definitely watch: Nate Myles, in which a Nate Myles lookalike basically re-enacts the infamous Poo-in-the-hotel-corridor-Gate, except in the style of 8 Mile, complete with Lose Yourself playing in the background. Why did no one think of this two months ago?
7. Crazy in Love- Beyonce: Beyonce is basically this decade’s Arethra Franklin, just 1000 times hotter. Crazy in Love is her piece de resistance, capped off with a rap interlude by Jay-Z that actually adds to the song, rather than detract like every single other one does. It also radically redefines the notion of a duet for a contemporary audience sick of listening to “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” and “I Got You Babe”, which is probably a good thing, as Sonny Bono had about as much musical talent as my pet rabbits.
6. Every song by Nickelback- Nickelback: This isn’t even tongue in cheek, and I’ll tell you why. Ever been told that you were too short to play basketball? Too overweight to dance? Too drunk to do pottery? These are the people Nickelback stand for: the people who, despite all the obstacles and challenges that stand in their way, overcome them and achieve their goals. Nickelback have shown that, despite having a shortage of songwriting ability and an excess of repetition qualities, they set out to be a mediocre pop rock band, and by God they’ve achieved it! This brings hope to talentless people everywhere, with the simple moral: even if everyone thinks you are horrible at your vocation (and are probably right about this), as long as you have an unqualified, unwavering belief in yourself, you too can succeed!
Now that we’re down to the last five, I’m going to take a quick break and mention my new pet peeve: Cityrail. And it’s not for the reasons you would think- lateness, bogans listening to their phones play crappy music while swigging from a VB longneck in a brown paper bag- no, I’ve grown used to these occurrences. It’s the fact that the train drivers seem to have been given an ultimatum- either yap away for half the train trip about the various permutations and possibilities of getting off at Strathfield et al., or randomly yell out “HORNSBY!” or “EPPING!”. Both of these methods impact tremendously on my iPod-listening, which, as everyone knows, is imperative to having a good day at university. So Cityrail- just stop it, alright?
Now on to the top five:
5. Crazy- Gnarls Barkley: I have never ever EVER known anyone who hasn’t sung the chorus at least once. That’s a fact. Plus the flm clip is done in the style of an everchanging Rorschach inkblot, making it reminiscent of one of my favourite songs that just wasn’t commercially successful enough to crack this list, “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes.
4. My Love- Justin Timberlake: Yes, JT brought sexy back, but this is the song that is the most memorable off what was his coming out party as a solo artist. And here’s the weird part: I am an unabashed fan of him. Cry Me A River? Yes please. Summer Love? Bring it on. Drops of Jupiter? I hate it, but he had nothing to do with the song so that’s alright.
3. Knights of Cydonia- Muse: I don’t care what you say about Muse. Their earlier albums were better? Fair enough, especially given that this new one sounds like Queen’s reincarnate, but minus Freddy Mercury’s awe-inspiring buckteeth. But whilst Origins of Symmetry may have been a better album than Black Holes and Revelations, this is their best song. How? Because no matter how many times you’ve heard it, when Matt Bellamy’s tremolo goes haywire in that hallucinatory intro, you listen. You listen intently for the next 6 or so minutes, and at the end, you know that what you just heard was genius. That, or a homeless man’s modern day version of “Bohemian Rhapsody”. Either way, it’s brilliant.
2. Clocks- Coldplay: Coldplay may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Chris Martin has the kind of voice that makes you go into I-just-want-to-find-that-whiny-bitch-and-put-an-end-to-this mode. Their songs, on the whole, are designed for the masses, with nothing inherently special about them. Except for Clocks.
I believe that the most important part in a song is the introduction. Just like a blind date, you know within twenty seconds whether or not you’re going to enjoy yourself. With Clocks, you know within 4 seconds that this is a song worth listening to. The looping piano melody is both classical and contemporary, and for once Martin doesn’t sing about his pining for love (I think). Though the fact that this song is titled Clocks may cause some bias from yours truly; as my favourite song ever is “Time” by Pink Floyd, I have a predisposition towards liking such a similarly titled piece.
1. Hey Ya- OutKast: You had to have seen it coming. Really, what else could it be? Name one other song that brought a phrase into the modern-day lexicon like Hey Ya did for “Shake it like a Polaroid picture”. What’s that? “Superman dat ho”, courtesy of Soulja Boy? No thanks, I prefer to sleep with my bed clothes not attached to a non-consenting female’s back with bodily fluids.
But in all honesty, Hey Ya is a vibrant, infectious piece of pop, all style and not much substance. And this is why it is perfect for the song of the 2000’s- it manifests today’s society in just 4 minutes.