Anchorman. Just a great movie. Here’s ten quotes from it, with ten additional, extremely random, thoughts:
1. Well I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship used during the Civil War era- A bizarre claim, paralleled by Kanye’s outburst at the VMA’s this week. What I don’t understand about the whole thing is how Kanye managed to even get up onto the stage. I mean, he was pictured hundreds of times on the red carpet chugging from a bottle of Hennessy, so that should have put security into danger mode instantly. After all, he has a reputation for interrupting these shows. But then, when Taylor Swift was accepting her award and Kanye started to swagger towards the stage, why did nobody even try to stop him? It’s not like it was hard to spot him, either; he was sitting next to Swift in the first place!
2. I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT! LOUD NOISES!- A classic line from the always befuddled Brick, it reminds me that Bulgaria’s national lottery drew the same numbers for two entries in a row. The odds of this are supposedly 4.2 million to one, so I think it’s fair to say that the lottery is rigged. But if it is rigged, then who would be dumb enough to do the same numbers two times in a row? Surely they’re not that greedy that they couldn’t wait a month or two before pulling such a stunt.
3. They named it San Diago, which of course in German means “a whale’s vagina”- Ah, I don’t really feel like trying to link these quotes to my ramblings anymore. But is anyone else secretly pining for the new Dan Brown book? Don’t get me wrong, it’s the literary equivalent of fast food; easy to digest, never satsifying. Yet for some reason I want to know about the follies of Robert Langdon and co., even if it is just to mercilessly mock them.
I think it’s like the last book of Harry Potter. When that came out, I had grown tired of the Potter franchise. I resented the fact that it actually was a franchise. I despised the fact that Daniel Radcliffe continued on as Harry, despite the fact that not only was he nearing middle age, but he provided much greater comedy with his coming-of-age role: one which required him to be naked in front of a horse! But I still went and bought the book, because I felt an obligation to do so. Having said that, the part where they sit around and do nothing for at least one hundred pages was easily one of the worst passages ever written in the history of the world. It was possibly even more boring than the actual Lord of the Rings books, which brings me to random quote/thought #4:
4. Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast!- Because of the movies, the Lord of the Rings books have exploded in popoularity over the last few years. But has anyone actually tried reading them? Trust me, you don’t want to. Judging by the first half of the first book (all that I could get through), this is the most boring trilogy to EVER be adapted into a multibillion-dollar movie series. Then again, it’s probably the only one in that category.
Regardless, Tolkien could probably learn a lesson from Matthew Reilly, a man whose books read like action movies. And yes, I immediately regret that decision.
5. 60% of the time, it works every time.- To the Parramatta Eels. Has Jarryd Hayne been knighted yet? I’ll admit that he has played some outstanding football these last couple of months, but the praise that is being heaped on him makes me just a little bit sick. He’s a great attacking player and all that, but what about his non-existent defense? Isn’t that what goes on for half the game?
I also feel the exact same way about Fui Fui Moi Moi.
6. You ate a whole wheel of cheese? I’m not even mad. That’s amazing- This is directed at Twitter. I am yet to lose my Twitginity, so I may be misinformed on this front, but isn’t Twittering reminiscent of smoking? Here’s some examples why:
- The non-participants don’t understand why those who do participate do as such
- Most users are addicted, needing at least 10 hits a day
- Prolonged absence from the activity causes a sense of anxiety in users
- Both cause lung cancer
- Only the strong-willed can recover from addiction
- Were, or are, the height of cool for celebrities
(I made one of those up)
7. I love lamp.
Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
I love lamp. I love lamp.- I love Sean Micallef. I love watching Youtube videos of his older shows. I love Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Generation because of him. I hate that Josh kid, though. His schtick consists of being a whiny little dipshit, and nothing else.
8. I know what you’re asking yourself, and the answer is yes, I have a nickname for my penis. It’s called the Octagon. I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westfall, and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater- Continuing on in the television quiz show vein, I’d like to say that Good News Week is magnificently overrated. I’ll admit that Paul McDermott’s monologues kill me, but Mikey Robbins is so smug about his not having to play the fat comedian typecast anymore that I just can’t handle it. His smirk rivals Peter Costello in the smarminess stakes, closely followed by David Stratton. But wait! I’m not finished with David Stratton. Though I am getting tired, so I’ll just talk about him after Quote #9.
9. I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. They can smell the menstruation- David Stratton is the only person in Australian television that can pull off the smirk. And that’s because he’s earned it. Imagine having to host a show with the elfin Margaret Pomeranz for 23 years. Imagine having to put up with that cackle as you watch movie after movie. Imagine being criticised for giving GI Joe 1 star. Now imagine that you have half an hour each week to convince Australia that all this has not driven you to insanity. David, give yourself a pat on the back, and smirk all you want. You’ve earned it.
10. We’ve both seen our share of pornographic materials. Oh, you never have? Of course you haven’t, how stupid of me. Neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities. I’ll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye- The funniest phone call in movie history is a good place to end, though I’d just like to mention the effect this movie had on its stars.
Will Ferell- Virtually unknown outside of America at the time, he’s gone on to become one of the biggest comedy actors of this decade, only surpassed when Hollywood remembered that Jewish people are funny too, especially if they’re overweight, smoke pot with their stoner friends and improvise dialogue that makes you laugh without being witty at all.
Steve Carell- First he was the comedy star. Then came the television star. Then came the dramatic turn (basically, he grew a beard). And now it’s the children’s film actor. Next up- quirky Transformer that takes the place of those awfully stereotyped black Transformers.
Paul Rudd- Actually was in stuff before Anchorman (Friends, Clueless). But since then, has skyrocketed in popularity, culminating in the lead role in I Love You Man, a film made great purely by its excessive use of Rush discography.
Christina Applegate- Oh. She got breast cancer. But I’m 99% sure that it wasn’t caused by filming Anchorman.