I know that very few, if any, of you care, and frankly I don’t expect you to. But it’s down to the last two in this year’s Australian Idol, and since I’ve actually watched about half the shows, I thought I’d do a breakdown of the two contestants, Hayley and Stan.
Stan has a great voice; velvety smooth, it’s definitely in the mould of an R & B superstar (think Usher with a neck tattoo). He’s the male counterpart to Paulini, even down to the judges mocking him about his dress sense and weight. Hayley, on the other hand, is not in the competition for her singing (as that obviously makes so much sense); she sounds like a supergeneric rock/pop starlet, except with the range of Leonard Cohen. As I type this, she’s singing her debut single, and I’ve gotta be honest, she can’t hit the notes. When you can’t sing a song that has been designed specifically for your voice, there’s something wrong.
Image may seem like a stupid, unnecessary criterion, but the judges seem to think it’s imperative to popularity, and to a certain extent I agree. The Hives are well-known for their matching suits; Angus Young still rocks out in a school uniform despite being a geriatric codger; Britney Spears wears nothing, and people love her for it. In regards to the contestants: Stan seems to be all over the place with his style, one song wearing ill-fitting waistcoats, the next rocking a dress that some brilliant prankster has convinced him is actually a shirt. He is well and truly dominated in this category by Hayley, who worked out early on that to simply wear every piece of item for sale at the surf shop where she works would do the trick. And amazingly, it does!
Stan’s marketing nous is more developed than you may think, though, as his neck tattoo allows him to tap into the burgeoning culture of “inking it up” (yes, it’s become so big that it is no longer a subculture). Though since the target audience of this show is 12 year old girls, maybe this isn’t the smartest idea- it’s probably more scary, and less endearing, to them. Hayley doesn’t have any tatts, but she does have superb bags under her eyes, meaning she is able to relate to the drug addicts of Australia in a way Stan could never dream of- mainly because he doesn’t do drugs.
ABILITY TO BALANCE AN EGG IN A SPOON
I think Hayley would probably win this due to her skateboarding proclivity, and hence better balance.
Alright, whoever wins this is ultimately the winner of the show, thus making the previous three categories obsolete. Sorry for wasting your time guys!
Stan is undeniably popular; hell, even I’ve thought about voting for him once or twice. But that’s exactly the problem- I’d only vote for him to help him out against Hayley, because it seems as though the entire audience is in love with her. Honestly, it’s surreal. She is, hands down, the most popular contestant in Idol history. And for that simple, blindingly obvious reason, she will win.