Hayley versus Stan

I know that very few, if any, of you care, and frankly I don’t expect you to. But it’s down to the last two in this year’s Australian Idol, and since I’ve actually watched about half the shows, I thought I’d do a breakdown of the two contestants, Hayley and Stan.

SINGING ABILITY

Stan has a great voice; velvety smooth, it’s definitely in the mould of an R & B superstar (think Usher with a neck tattoo). He’s the male counterpart to Paulini, even down to the judges mocking him about his dress sense and weight. Hayley, on the other hand, is not in the competition for her singing (as that obviously makes so much sense); she sounds like a supergeneric rock/pop starlet, except with the range of Leonard Cohen. As I type this, she’s singing her debut single, and I’ve gotta be honest, she can’t hit the notes. When you can’t sing a song that has been designed specifically for your voice, there’s something wrong.

Winner: Stan

IMAGE

Image may seem like a stupid, unnecessary criterion, but the judges seem to think it’s imperative to popularity, and to a certain extent I agree. The Hives are well-known for their matching suits; Angus Young still rocks out in a school uniform despite being a geriatric codger; Britney Spears wears nothing, and people love her for it. In regards to the contestants: Stan seems to be all over the place with his style, one song wearing ill-fitting waistcoats, the next rocking a dress that some brilliant prankster has convinced him is actually a shirt. He is well and truly dominated in this category by Hayley, who worked out early on that to simply wear every piece of item for sale at the surf shop where she works would do the trick. And amazingly, it does!

Stan’s marketing nous is more developed than you may think, though, as his neck tattoo allows him to tap into the burgeoning culture of “inking it up” (yes, it’s become so big that it is no longer a subculture). Though since the target audience of this show is 12 year old girls, maybe this isn’t the smartest idea- it’s probably more scary, and less endearing, to them. Hayley doesn’t have any tatts, but she does have superb bags under her eyes, meaning she is able to relate to the drug addicts of Australia in a way Stan could never dream of- mainly because he doesn’t do drugs.

Winner: Hayley

ABILITY TO BALANCE AN EGG IN A SPOON

I think Hayley would probably win this due to her skateboarding proclivity, and hence better balance.

Winner: Hayley

POPULARITY

Alright, whoever wins this is ultimately the winner of the show, thus making the previous three categories obsolete. Sorry for wasting your time guys!

Stan is undeniably popular; hell, even I’ve thought about voting for him once or twice. But that’s exactly the problem- I’d only vote for him to help him out against Hayley, because it seems as though the entire audience is in love with her. Honestly, it’s surreal. She is, hands down, the most popular contestant in Idol history. And for that simple, blindingly obvious reason, she will win.

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4 responses to “Hayley versus Stan

  1. Jeremy, I read something where Lisa Mitchell basically summed up exactly what you said. There has got to be something wrong when all these great singers just can’t sustain careers after the show ends. Damien Leith recently had to sell his car to pay the rent, and Wes Carr did a show where 2 people turned up.

  2. Am I the only one that see’s something seriously wrong with this competition? Not so much the contestants (as little I care about them aside) but moreso the whole direction they take the artists. Let’s be honest in saying that out of all the years of the show there has been Shannon Noll, Guy Sebastian (I still think his “success” is a bit questionable compared to others), Jessica Mauboy (ew) and I guess you could say Ricki Lee are the only ones that really have had continuing success.

    (I may have missed someone, I can’t quite remember exactly.)

    Doesn’t this say something about the producers of the show or the direction they’re taking the contestants in EVERY year? The same thing happens time and time again: Someone wins, releases a single a week later which most of the time reaches at least the top 5 (exception being Casey Donovan HA!), stays there for a few weeks then kind of disappears into the masses. Never to be seen again except for brief cameo’s on Good News Week to sing songs and get way too keen (see: Wes Carr and Ricki Lee).

    There’s no denying they’re good singers, but that doesn’t cut it. They need an angle and they need to either be able to write good music or have a good writer who gets their direction. Perhaps if they discovered an artist who could actually write their own songs like Lisa Mitchell (that’s who I forgot) then they’d actually have a chance of building someone that has a chance of actually making it past their debut album.

    The problem with the show is the judges coach them and help them to win a competition, not to be successful artists.

    With that being said. I still hate the show and try to avoid it as much as I can.

    • P.S – Is this Hayley girl supposed to be our attempt at Pink? That’s just the impression I’m getting every time I see her.

      Could just be the hair though?

  3. I actually watched a bit of it last night! They both impressed in their own way. As in, I was impressed by Stan’s voice, and impressed by Hayley’s obviously appealing persona. I was also impressed by the fact that no one seemed to care (or maybe even notice) completely missing the high note in Beyonce’s Sweet Dreams, and impressed by the huge applause Hayley got after her winner’s single, even though it’s easily the most boring song since, well, every Pink song ever released. Equally impressive was Michael Buble’s ability to sound sincere as he told each of them individually he wanted them to win.

    Still, to me it’s just another year, another forgettable singer. Wes Carr has finally shut up, and I’m pretty sure the previous two (Natalie whats-her-name and Damien Leith) have both died. Really, the only winner that has managed to maintain success is Guy Sebastian, and his music is now so cringeworthy that he’d make Nikki Webster proud. Hell, even everyone at my work (some of them happy to listen to SeaFM hour after hour, day after day) hate his new single.

    All in all, I say the highlight of last night would have to be Rove McManus’ opening speech. “Welcome to the last show of the year! … and ever.” Bam!

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