Here’s my random thoughts of the day:
- How the hell does a band like train release “Drops of Jupiter”, a horribly saccharine yet super succesful song, and then never be heard of again? Same goes for Plain White T’s, Sandi Thom, Dexy’s Midnight Runner- once you’ve worked out the secret to success in the music industry, why go and ignore it for the rest of your overwhelmingly underwhelming careers?
- Either John Mellencamp is the world’s most egocentric douche, or he’s the marketing guru I wish I could become. Let me explain: supposedly he made a deal with his son that if the kid could get 1 million people to join a Facebook group for his benefit, then he would give up smoking. Semantics aside (this being the stupidest reason for quitting smoking ever), it’s obviously an unbelievably clever (and free) opportunity to thrust himself back into the spotlight- perhaps in time for a greatest hits album? Though it would have to be more of a greatest hits LP- he’s only released five singles, and only one of those (“Hurts So Good”) is actually decent. Oh, and how did I hear about this? By listening to the drudgery of Star FM, which brings me to my next rambling….
- Supposedly Cold Chisel reformed tonight/ last night/ tomorrow/ who the hell cares, for one show only. I’ll admit that even I am impartial to a slice of Chisel (figuratively speaking), and don’t really mind when “Khe Sahn” is played on the radio for the 12th time that day. After all, it’s basically Australia’s version of “Born to Run”, in that it imbibes a sense of patriotism into you whenever you hear it. But is it really necessary, Star FM, to play Jimmy Barnes’ solo material ahead of a group reunion? I swear to Chuck Klosterman, the next time I hear him butcher “River Deep, Mountain High” I’m just going to scream. And not in a masculine manner, either.
- Kristen Stewart is only 4 months older than me, yet is approximately 4 million times more successful than I will ever be. My life is now over.
- Christmas is stupidly commercial. “The Christmas Season”? What a load of crap. How does one day gets its own season? How does one day cause us to put up stupidly kitsch and greenhouse gas-causing lights? How does one day cause so much pain for those without anything to look forward to? How does one day highlight my pseudo-nihilistic existential ponderings through the metaphorical construct that is the delicious turkey? (Alright, I made that last one up.)
- Avatar looks ridiculous. I cannot conceive of any situation where I will watch it and take it seriously. The unintentional comedy made possible by having blue-skinned characters is superb. The amount of Smurf/lizard mating jokes should top the million mark.
- Tony Abbott? Are you kidding me?
- At least he’s better than Fat Joe.
- Australia’s World Cup draw is really not that bad. Germany are admittedly a class above, but Ghana and Serbia should hopefully provide us with a win or two, and a passage through to the round of 16- where, in all likelihood, we would play England, a match that I could not realistically be any more excited for.
- I saw a packet of cookies in my work the other day. They were targeted at children, and came with the subtitle, “Lots A Fun!” Now I’m not one of the so-called Grammar Nazis (just a horrible, horrible title, by the way) but I really do feel scared when blatantly stupid things like this somehow slip through the networks of production. If I ever see a bag of cookies with “They’re full of LOLZ” on it, I promise to light it on fire there and then.
- Ah, I’m gettin tired.
- So very sleepy…….
- Coffee? No thanks, I’m Irish
- Alright, I’ll stop, my jokes are simply incoherent.
- Wait, one last thing: listen to Dane Cook sometime. Having done so, ask yourself this: did he actually make any jokes? I’m not even kidding; he just seems to state facts, puts emphasis on certain words, makes weird noises, AND TELLS THE AUDIENCE TO LAUGH. I cannot emphasise this last point enough. Comedians are supposed to induce laughter through their witty and satirical observations of humanity’s foibles, and not by going, “Hey guys, I just made a fart noise with my armpit! Applaud that shit!”
- I’m going to bed.